Small Talk That Isn't Small

You prepare for the big meeting. You rehearse the presentation, think about the questions you might be asked and go over your key points one more time on the train. Then someone in the corridor says, “How was your weekend?” and suddenly you have no idea what to say. It sounds slightly ridiculous when you put it like that, but I hear versions of this surprisingly often. Someone can handle a formal meeting in English, then find themselves struggling with the conversation before it starts.

I work with a Merchandising Manager based in Hong Kong, and when I asked her about the situations she finds difficult in English, she didn’t mention presentations or senior stakeholders. She talked about “small talk and everyday English, and especially the first things said”. She also mentioned worrying about making mistakes, being misunderstood or embarrassing herself.

That distinction is important. You can be perfectly capable of writing emails, contributing to meetings and dealing with complicated work issues in English, while still finding informal conversation difficult. The five minutes before a meeting, the lift, the coffee queue or a quick chat with a colleague can require a very different kind of English.

This month, we’re going to spend some time on those conversations.

Small talk isn’t really small

Small talk can feel unimportant, particularly when you’ve spent years concentrating on the English you need for work. You’ve learnt how to write professional emails, explain complicated ideas and take part in meetings. Talking about the weather may not seem particularly useful in comparison.

In reality, those short conversations are part of working with other people. They give us a chance to get to know our colleagues a little better and make everyday interactions feel less formal. You don’t need to become the person who chats happily to absolutely everybody in the office, but being able to manage a few minutes of informal conversation can make professional life easier.

A Finnish professional I work with put her own difficulty very simply: “For general speaking and small talk, vocabulary can sometimes be an issue.” That makes sense. The vocabulary you need to discuss a familiar work topic isn’t necessarily the vocabulary you need to talk about what you did at the weekend.

Small talk can also give you a useful opportunity to start using English before the meeting begins. Jimmy, a police officer in Hong Kong, told me, “I need to take some time to warm up when using English.” A short conversation beforehand can be one way of doing that. You’ve already started speaking English before you need to make your first contribution to the meeting.

Why it can feel so difficult

Small talk is unpredictable. In a meeting, you usually know roughly what you’re going to discuss. There’s an agenda, you know who will be there and you may have had time to prepare some of the things you want to say. Casual conversation doesn’t give you the same preparation time. Someone asks what you did at the weekend, tells you about a film you haven’t seen or mentions something you know nothing about. You have to listen and respond there and then.

There’s also the fact that you’re talking about yourself. Discussing a budget or a project can sometimes feel easier than telling a colleague what you did on Saturday. One is familiar professional territory. The other can feel more personal, particularly if you’re already conscious of your English.

One of my clients, who is from Hong Kong and now lives and works in the UK, has talked about worrying that colleagues might not understand her accent. Concerns like that don’t disappear simply because the conversation is informal. The aim isn’t to remove every uncomfortable feeling before you speak. It’s to make these everyday conversations more familiar and give yourself a few things you can rely on when you don’t know quite what to say.

A few things that can help

You don’t need dozens of clever conversation starters. A few ordinary questions are enough. You could ask about someone’s weekend, their plans for a holiday, their journey into work or something that has happened recently at work. Yes, you can talk about the weather. We’re British. We’ve been getting perfectly good mileage out of it for years.

Choose two or three questions that feel natural to you and practise using them. The important part is what happens after you ask the question. Listen to the answer rather than spending the whole time preparing your next sentence. When you’re worried about your English, it’s very easy for your attention to turn inwards. You start checking your grammar, thinking about your pronunciation and planning what you’re going to say next. Try to bring your attention back to the person you’re talking to.

It also helps to share something about yourself. If you only ask questions, the conversation can start to feel a little like an interview. If someone tells you they had a quiet weekend, you might say, “Mine was quiet too, actually. I needed it.” You’ve given them something they can respond to if they want to continue the conversation. When it’s time to move on to work, you don’t need an elaborate transition. “Anyway, shall we get started?” is perfectly good English.

You can use the same questions again

You don’t have to think of something original every time you see a colleague. In real life, people use the same kinds of questions all the time. If “How was your weekend?” is easy for you to remember and gets a conversation started, use it. You’re allowed to ask it again next Monday.

One of my Polish clients, a programmer who has used English for more than twenty years, gave this advice: “Talk, speak as soon as you can. Get over your speaking barrier as soon as possible. I still sometimes pause to this day but it is totally natural and is to be expected.” I think the last part is particularly useful. Even after many years of using English, she still pauses sometimes. That’s normal. Small talk doesn’t have to be completely effortless before you start doing it.

Something to try this month

Choose one simple question that you could comfortably ask a colleague and try using it a few times this week. You don’t need to turn it into a long conversation. See what happens and notice what you find easy or difficult. Perhaps starting is the hardest part. Perhaps you can ask the first question but aren’t sure how to keep the conversation going. You might discover that you’re concentrating so hard on your English that you don’t really hear the other person’s answer. Whatever you notice gives you something useful to practise. Throughout May, I’ll be talking more about everyday conversation and small talk. There’s also a section on it in the FYEV Workbook if you’d like some more practice.

Take care,

Tanya

Find Your English Voice is a space for international professionals who want to feel more comfortable speaking English at work, especially when the pressure is on. Whatever brought you here, you’re very welcome.

Tanya Kaczanow is the founder of Find Your English Voice. She works with international professionals who want to use English with more calm, clarity and confidence when it matters.

Questions I hear most about small talk at work

Why can small talk feel harder than giving a presentation in English?

A presentation gives you something that small talk doesn’t: preparation. You know what you’re going to talk about and you can practise beforehand. Small talk is much less predictable. You don’t know what somebody is going to ask or where the conversation will go. That doesn’t necessarily make small talk harder for everyone, but it does mean it requires a different kind of practice.

What can I talk about at work?

Keep it ordinary. Weekends, holidays, the journey to work, something happening in the office or, yes, the weather can all give you somewhere to start. What’s appropriate will depend on the person, your workplace and the culture you’re working in, so you don’t need to force a conversation simply because you think you should be making small talk.

What if the other person gives me a very short answer?

That’s fine. Not every conversation takes off. You can offer a little information about yourself and see whether they respond. If you ask about someone’s weekend and they say, “Fine, quite quiet,” you might say, “Mine too, actually.” If the conversation still doesn’t go anywhere, you can leave it there.

I worry about my accent during small talk. What can I do?

Try to notice what the actual difficulty is. Are people regularly asking you to repeat yourself, or are you worried that they might? If there are particular words or sounds that regularly cause misunderstandings, those may be worth working on. If people generally understand you, the challenge may be becoming more comfortable speaking without monitoring every word as you say it.

How long should small talk last before a meeting?

There’s no rule. Sometimes it’s thirty seconds. Sometimes everyone chats for a few minutes while they’re waiting for somebody to arrive. You don’t need to keep a conversation going for a particular length of time. A brief, friendly exchange is still a conversation.

What if I can’t think of anything to say?

Have one or two questions ready. This isn’t cheating. Native speakers rely on familiar questions too. Once the other person answers, listen for something you can respond to rather than immediately trying to invent a completely new topic.

Does small talk really matter at work?

It can. Informal conversation gives colleagues opportunities to get to know one another beyond the immediate task they’re working on. Research has also found links between workplace small talk and employees’ positive social emotions, although its effects aren’t universally positive and can depend on the person and situation. You certainly don’t need to become a dedicated office chatterer. Being able to take part in ordinary informal conversation when you want to, though, is a useful part of working in another language.