Have you ever prepared for an important conversation in English by trying to work out exactly what you're going to say? Perhaps you have a job interview coming up, a presentation or a meeting with someone senior. You sit down beforehand and write the perfect answer. You check the vocabulary, change a few sentences and practise it until you feel reasonably happy with it.
Then the actual conversation starts and somebody asks a question you weren't expecting. Suddenly, the answer you prepared doesn't quite fit. You try to remember what you were going to say, but at the same time you're listening to the other person, thinking about the question and working out how to respond. The preparation that was supposed to make you feel more confident can start to feel like another thing you have to remember.
There's nothing wrong with preparing for an important conversation. In fact, preparation can be extremely useful. But there is a difference between preparing what you want to communicate and trying to prepare every sentence you're going to say.
It's not always your English that's making the conversation difficult
One thing I've noticed over many years of working with people who use English professionally is how easy it is to blame English when an important conversation feels difficult. But sometimes the situation itself is difficult.
One client told me that important presentations can make her nervous, but not necessarily because she's speaking English. For her, the audience matters. If she's expecting criticism, that changes how the situation feels. Someone else told me that public speaking makes her nervous in Polish too, so speaking English isn't the only thing creating the pressure.
A job interview can be difficult in your first language. So can presenting to senior management, answering an unexpected question in front of a group or having a conversation where you know your work is being evaluated. Of course, doing those things in another language can add another layer, but before you decide that you need better English, it can help to ask what is actually making the situation difficult.
Is there some English you genuinely need? Are you worried about understanding the other person? Is the subject complicated? Are you unsure what you actually think? Or are you nervous because the conversation matters? Those are different problems, and they don't all need an English solution.
Prepare the idea, not every word
If there is something you know you're likely to talk about, preparing can help. But instead of writing a complete answer and trying to memorise it, think about the main things you want the other person to understand.
Imagine you're preparing for an interview and you think you'll be asked about a difficult problem you've solved at work. You could write a polished paragraph and learn it almost word for word. Or you could make a few notes: What happened? What did I do? What was the result? Then practise explaining it aloud.
The first time, you might explain it one way. The second time, your words will probably be slightly different. That's fine. In fact, that's useful practice because you're not training yourself to remember a paragraph. You're practising finding the language you need to explain an idea. Real conversations don't follow scripts, so your practice doesn't need to either.
Give yourself something to come back to
This doesn't mean you have to walk into an important meeting and simply hope for the best. It can be useful to know how you want to begin an answer, particularly if starting is something you find difficult.
Someone I worked with told me that speaking to a large group isn't necessarily the hardest part for him. He finds starting to speak in a large group difficult, and feeling nervous can make it harder for him to remember things. If that sounds familiar, it may be worth practising the beginning.
You don't need to memorise everything that comes afterwards. You might simply practise how you want to introduce your point, then get used to continuing from there in slightly different ways. You can do something similar with the end. If you tend to keep talking because you're not sure how to finish, practise bringing your answer back to the main point.
The aim isn't to deliver exactly the same answer every time. It's to make the route familiar enough that you have somewhere to go when you're under pressure.
Think about what you're trying to achieve
Important meetings can make us unusually aware of how we're coming across. One client described finding English more difficult when she's stressed at work and particularly wants to sound professional. She also notices the pressure more in situations where she feels that she, or her level of English, might be judged by other people. Another person I worked with told me that speaking in front of people in authority makes her nervous because she worries they'll judge her English and think less of her.
Those worries are understandable, but they can change what we pay attention to. Instead of concentrating on the question you're answering, you may start thinking about how professional your English sounds. Instead of listening to the other person, part of your attention may be checking your grammar or comparing yourself with somebody else in the room.
Noticing where your attention goes is useful here. When you catch yourself worrying about how your English sounds, try coming back to what you're actually there to communicate. Perhaps you need to explain why a project is delayed, show an interviewer how you handled a difficult situation or help your manager understand why you're recommending a particular course of action. That's your job in that moment, and your English is helping you do it.
Speaking to someone senior can change how the conversation feels
You may use English perfectly comfortably with colleagues you know well and still feel different when you're talking to a director, an interviewer or somebody who has influence over an important decision. That doesn't automatically tell us anything about your English level.
If you notice yourself becoming less direct, giving very long explanations or struggling to get to your point, it can help to think beforehand about what you actually need this person to understand. Try saying your main point first. You can explain afterwards, give context if it's needed and answer follow-up questions. But knowing what you want to communicate gives you something to return to if nerves make the conversation feel more complicated than it really is.
What if I forget the English I wanted to use?
You probably will sometimes, and that's a normal part of speaking. Words disappear occasionally. Sentences come out differently from the way we imagined them. Somebody interrupts. We misunderstand a question. We start an answer and realise halfway through that we want to explain it differently.
One client described English as a tool that helps him communicate and express himself. He also said that when he hasn't had many opportunities to speak English, he needs some time to "warm up" when he starts using it again. I think that's a useful way of looking at it.
You don't need every word available instantly for an important conversation to go well. If a word disappears, explain the idea another way. If you need a moment to think, take one. If you're asked something unexpected, you are allowed to think before you answer.
And if you haven't understood the question, ask. You might say, "Could you repeat that last part?" or "When you say the deadline, do you mean the testing deadline or the final delivery date?" Clarifying the question is part of communicating well. It isn't something you should have to apologise for repeatedly.
Preparation should give you more room to respond, not make you feel that you've failed the moment you move away from what you rehearsed.
So what should you prepare?
Before your next important conversation in English, start with the situation rather than trying to prepare everything. Think about what is likely to come up and what you genuinely want the other person to understand. Identify anything specific that you find difficult to explain. If there's vocabulary you know you'll probably need, check it. If there's an answer you're worried about giving, practise explaining it aloud a few different ways.
Then think about what you can't prepare. You can't know every question, control exactly where the conversation will go or guarantee that every sentence will come out beautifully. You don't need to. Good preparation should make you more able to deal with the real conversation, not more dependent on the conversation following the one you imagined.
Over the coming weeks, I'll be looking more closely at situations such as interviews, speaking to people in authority and handling questions that aren't immediately clear. The aim isn't to find a perfect sentence for every situation. It's to help you prepare well enough that you can still communicate when the conversation doesn't go according to plan.
Questions I often hear about preparing for important conversations in English
Should I write out what I want to say before an important meeting or interview?
You can, especially if writing helps you organise your thoughts. The problem comes when you feel that you then have to reproduce those exact sentences when you speak.
Try using what you've written to identify the main points you want to communicate, any vocabulary you genuinely need and anything you find particularly difficult to explain. Then put the written version aside and practise explaining the same ideas aloud in your own words. If the wording changes each time, that's fine. You're preparing for a conversation, not learning lines for a play.
What if I go blank when somebody asks me an unexpected question?
An unexpected question can make anybody pause, regardless of which language they're speaking. You don't have to answer immediately just because somebody has stopped talking.
Give yourself a moment to think about what they're actually asking and what you want them to understand. If you don't understand the question, ask for clarification. If you need a few seconds to think, take them.
How can I sound professional without trying to prepare perfect English?
Think about what makes the communication useful to the other person. Usually they need to understand your point, your reasoning, the relevant information and what you need from them.
Professional communication doesn't require every sentence to be beautifully constructed. You can speak clearly, ask somebody to clarify something, pause to think or rephrase an idea and still communicate professionally.
Why does my English sometimes feel worse when the situation is important?
There may be more going on than English. You could be thinking about the outcome, the people listening, how you're being judged, the complexity of the question or simply the fact that you really want the conversation to go well.
People I've worked with have described feeling more nervous during presentations, interviews or conversations with people in authority. Some have pointed out that they would find similar situations difficult in their first language too. Before deciding that your English has suddenly become worse, look at the whole situation.
Keep working on your English
If you'd like more support with using English confidently in real conversations, you might find these Find Your English Voice resources useful.
Free FYEV guide: findyourenglishvoice.uk/free-guide
More articles: findyourenglishvoice.uk/blog
Find Your English Voice book: mybook.to/FindYourEnglishVoice
Find Your English Voice Workbook: mybook.to/FYEV-Workbook
Work with me: findyourenglishvoice.uk/contact
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Take care,
Tanya